昔から平和主義だって言われてたし、自分の中でゆっくりのんびりが心地いいって感じてた。
コーチングを学んだときも、安心、安全のニーズが高くて、なかなか動けないって感じになっていた。
自律神経を病み、神経症、特に不安から来る不安神経症と言われたのは、
自分の心地いい世界観を壊されたように感じたからなのかなと思った。
基本的にはうさぎで瞬発力はある方で、思い立ったらすぐ動きたくなるし、
体力がないから、一発勝負が得意なんだろうなと思う。
だけれど、やっぱり体力がないから、物事に取りかかったら、ゆっくりのんびりやるか、さっさと片付けて休むを繰り返すかするしかなくて、私は毎日、うさぎと亀の競争を1人で繰り返しているんだなと思う。
これまでは、うさぎか亀のどっちかがいいと思ってはいたのだけれど、
1人2役できるなら、何かお得な感じがしないでもない。
そして、ウチの旦那さんは私とどことなく似ていて、ゆっくりのんびりな人なんだけど、
彼は典型的な牛で体力もあるから、常にゆっくりだけれど亀ほど時間もかからない。
そんな夫婦なので、一緒にいるとまぁまぁバランスが取れて安心はする。
だから、私にとって旦那さんと一緒にいることが、一番の安心領域だったのだけれども。
ただ、問題だったのは、彼が甘えられるのが苦手なのと、常にマイペースであるため（これでもＢ型ではないところが不思議）、一緒にいられなかったり、一緒にいるのにそれぞれ別のことをしていることがまぁまぁ不快に感じることがあったりした。
何か私の中に、結婚したらとか、夫婦だからとかこうでなければ…みたいなものがあって、旦那さんと仲良くするためには、旦那さんと合わせなきゃ…みたいなものがあったんだなと。
食事をするにも、自分だけお弁当作ってとか、自分だけ先に食べて…とかは良くないとか。
今でもよく言うけれど、お酒が好きな旦那さんがお酒が飲めない状況のときに、私が彼の目の前で飲むのはよくないよねってなったりする。
結局、勝手に相手の気持ちを想像してるだけであって、そのときの相手の気持ちとはまったく関係ないのだけれど。
だから、もういいやって。
もちろん、一緒でいたいときは一緒でいいけれど、一緒じゃなくていいよねって思えたから。
お互いの世界観を大切にしたいよね。
以下、英文。（The following is in English）
･*:.｡ ｡.:*･ﾟ✽.｡.:*・ﾟ ✽.｡.:*・ﾟ ✽.｡.:*・ﾟ･*:.｡ ｡.:*･ﾟ✽.｡.:*・ﾟ ✽.｡.:*・ﾟ ✽.｡.:*・ﾟ･*:.｡ ｡.:*･ﾟ
A sense of security when we're together
I've always been told I'm a pacifist, and I've always felt comfortable with a relaxed pace.
Even when I started coaching, I felt like I couldn't move because I had such a high need for security and safety.
I thought that the reason I was diagnosed with autonomic nervous system disorders and neurosis, especially anxiety neurosis caused by anxiety,
was because I felt like my comfortable worldview had been destroyed.
I'm basically a rabbit, and I have a lot of explosive power, so when I think of something, I want to act immediately,
and I don't have much physical strength, so I think I'm good at one-hit games.
But, because I don't have much physical strength, when I start something, I have no choice but to do it slowly and leisurely, or finish it quickly and take a rest, and I think I'm playing a race between the rabbit and the turtle on my own every day.
Until now, I've thought that it would be better to be either the rabbit or the turtle,
but if I could play two roles, I feel like I'd get a good deal.
And my husband is somewhat similar to me, a slow and easy-going person,
but he is a typical ox and has a lot of stamina, so he is always slow, but he doesn't take as long as a turtle.
Because we are such a couple, we have a good balance when we are together and I feel safe.
So being with my husband was the most comfortable place for me.
However, the problem was that he doesn't like being spoiled and he always does things at his own pace (it's strange that he is not type B), so we couldn't be together, or I felt uncomfortable when we were together and each of us was doing different things.
I think there was something inside me that thought, "When you get married, or because you are a married couple, you have to do this..." and that in order to get along with my husband, I had to go along with him...
Even when we eat, it's not good to make lunch for yourself or to eat first...
I still say this a lot, but when my husband likes alcohol and can't drink, I feel like it's not good for me to drink in front of him.
In the end, it's just my own imagination of what the other person is feeling and it has nothing to do with how they were feeling at the time.
So I guess it's fine.
Of course, it's fine to be together when we want to, but I've come to think that it's okay if we're not together.
I want to cherish each other's worldviews.
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